Thats the question i have been asking myself in the last few weeks?
When and How? I know people say life is very unpredictable and i agree. I also think that we have a little contribution to making things go wrong unexpectedly too. I remember when i was graduating from college and i had a 5 year plan. It was going smoothly, I got my one year work experience, got into one of the best grad schools and started school. The first semester in grad school, i broke up with my boyfriend of over four years and i remember i didnt feel sad, cuz truth be told, the relationship had run its course a year before the breakup so it was more like formality.
I never cried or felt sad or anything, we remained friends and i got on with school. I engaged in flings with different people and then i met a guy. I felt he was different, and he seemed to genuinely like me. That was the last thing i remembered about my life plans
I know i graduated and probably did other things but my head was not there. I was infatuated with the new man in my life. Before i knew it, i had processed my relocation and altered my plans just to be near this said guy. Everything went so fast, it became blurry. Now i am jolted back to reality and all i am left with is a broken heart and a lets just be friends line. One year after this, i am still so confused and trying to pick the pieces.
So why am i writing all these? Its cuz i want to figure out what happened between meeting the guy and him dumping me. Something must have for me to have lost my entire plot. I had it all written down, where i wanna be in a year, in 5 years, in 10 years and it seemed everything went out the window.
I hope i get to remember different things and i can insert the missing blanks in the past two years so as to cover this soul and restore her to her glorious place
Its really hard when you are trying to figure out what you dont have any memory of. I hope this blog will help construct my thoughts.
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You fell in love..
ReplyDelete& Love is a blur when it hits you hard..
What you need to do is to start from where you missed it and work you way up with the help of God to where you ought to be.
ReplyDeleteYou are asking questions I think you know answers to.
Its time to move on and its your call but not to worry... You've got people around you that'll encourage and support you along the way. But most especially, you've got God.
No shakings, ish went wrong but it's not too let to get back up, dust yourself off and continue from where you left off. So things didn't work out and that's sad but don't beatyourself up over it. It's not too late to reconstruct a new plan...
ReplyDeleteEverything happens for a reason, and sometimes jus fro a season. RocNaija is right - sometimes love is blurry but you owe it to yourself to move forward. Dwelling in the past will let you trip on your future so gurl, make a decision to be happy with what you have, let the past rest and stop trying to make sense of what you cannot change... Hope it goes well... Let God be your strength!
ReplyDeletewow.
ReplyDeletethat's a lot to process dear, but one thing u must always remember is that it's up to u to either see this a something worth getting depressed over or just dusting your butt and moving on, chalking it down to one of the things that we experience in life.
you are alive, u are well, u can still make new plans, u can retrace ur steps, u can chart a new course, it's not over ok? everything happens for a reason.
I love your blog. I love how deep it is. I know people will say it is love, but I refuse to accept it. Love makes you better. It doesn't make you sad or change your plans or alter your life, completely.
ReplyDeleteDear NS, now is the time to look forward. You know those plans, the ones you wrote down, go pick them up and start working on them one by one.
You will get there. One day at a time.
awwww..
ReplyDeleteI've come to the realization that life never happens how we want it..that's why I'm averse to making plans..I'm becoming a cynic by the day, not good! lol..
I hope you can move on from all this..
...you will be shocked how much blogging (writing down past and present experiences) does when you go through your archived post.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Roc...You fell in love and everything happened quickly because you probably looked at everything through the eyes of love.. You can still backtrack, find out where you "fell off the band wagon" and continue from there...this time wiser..
ReplyDelete