Shall we begin?

Does it ever happen to you? Days when you feel lost. like you have misread the plot for your life and definitely heading in the wrong direction. You wonder what else is going to go wrong. What step to take or you really just want everything to be perfect and don’t know where to start…
You know that feeling? Great! Cuz that’s the point I am presently at in my life and I need answers. I want to have things figured out, be happy and enjoy my life. I am 23 and I feel like I have lost the plot for my life. This is my story and welcome to the front row seat………

On My life
I have 2 degrees and I have not worked for a while. Agreed I have been doing various training and hunting for job in various places but none seems to be forthcoming. I am tired of debts, asking my parents for money and trying to make ends meet. I know they are not complaining of having to give me money but they sure have tried enough. The economy aint helping and everyday I worry if I am ever going to get a job. Even though that’s not an ultimate source of happiness, I am sure its going to make things better. Don’t get me wrong, I am very qualified. I am in promising career field, but the jobs just seem to disappear every time I apply. Summary, I have no job…..

On God
I was born into a Christian home. Went to church, believed in God, and sometimes had a great relationship with him. I know its not perfect and I really want to be that woman that knows God on a deeper level. I know I still sin often, go to clubs, engage in premarital sex, have immoral thoughts every now and again, and you know, the little sins that occur. I seldom read my bible etc…. I have started going to a new church and trying to rebuild my faith……..

On Dating
I have an ex boyfriend who I think I may still be in love with. We had a horrible break up and over a year later filled with anger, abuse, fights, hurts, we are not speaking. I really really hate him but I think I still have feelings for him. I am struggling to get rid of them and I just bought a copy of a self help book to read…..

On Friendships
I am an extremely sociable person and so I talk to a lot of people but I am not sure I have a best friend. OK, I think I do have maybe one or two, but none around me presently. See I used to live in another country and made friends, then I relocated and now I am all by myself. The friend I call my best friend is not really one cuz I realise there r some things I would rather not tell her and I bet she doesn’t open up to me that much also. I have another friend who lives on the other side of the world, in an entirely different continent. We have known each other for over 2 years and she’s the one I tell my whole life too cuz she gets me. I wish we were near each other. I crave for girlfriends that we can hang together for lunch once a week, go to spas, gossip, comfort each other, go shopping and have that special sisterhood bond……… is it too late to find?

On Family
No doubt, I love them so much. I have two brothers who are older than me and they mean everything to me. Sometimes, I wish I was a lot closer to my parents and siblings and can share anything with them.

Now that we’ve sorted the introduction to my life, sit back and enjoy your front row seat cuz it gets better…. Welcome to the nakedness of a lost soul